Guys & Sex

The Man CaveAny sexual activity, from touching and kissing to sex, begins with permission. This is sometimes called “consent.” You can ask for consent and find out just what your partner wants by asking questions, like:

  • I’d really like to kiss you. How do you feel about that?
  • I think it would be hot if you took your shirt off. Is it okay if I take it off?
  • I want to ______. May I?
  • May I ______ your ______?
  • “What do you want me to do?” or
  • Where do you want my tongue/hands/fingers, etc.?

 

Body language is important. If it looks like your partner is not really into it, you should ask something like:

  • Is this okay?
  • Are you still into this?
  • Do you want to keep going?

 

Asking questions like these when making out or having sex gives your partner the chance to take things just as far as they want to go. It also helps you out, because let’s face it, your partner knows what feels good and what feels, eh, not so good.

Some things to keep in mind:

  • Check-in. Both partners must say “yes” to every and any sexual activity. If you want to try something new, ask. 
  • Yes means yes. Your partner does not give consent simply by not saying no. Only happily saying yes, without pressure, means yes.
  • Not into it? Both you and your partner always have the right to change your mind. At any point. For whatever reason.

 

What is not consent?

  • “No” means “no.” Also, “Not now” and “Maybe later” means “no.”
  • Definitely not. Consent is not about forcing, shaming or begging someone to say yes.
  • Drugs/Alcohol If drugs or alcohol are used to get your partner to say yes when they normally would not, there is no consent.
  • Awareness. Both partners must be fully conscious and aware to consent.
  • Seek help. If you or someone you know have or may have experienced had sex without consent, seek help now. Many local and national organizations provide free and confidential instant message-based and phone-based hotlines.

 

Many guys feel an enormous pressure to have sex. Other guys seem to say everyone is doing it and that doing it will make you a man. But the truth is, if both you and your partner aren’t ready for sex, abstinence is the only option.

Despite what others say, having sex won’t make you any more of a man. If you or your partner is not ready for sex, standing up to peer pressure and waiting till you’re ready will. And if you and your partner are ready for sex, so will being confident enough to ask questions and voice your sexual desires openly and honestly.